Well, the big birthday party was a rousing success. Needless to say, my husband received the usual old age gag gifts of Preparation H, Fixodent and Grecian formula. My favorite was a little bottle of senior moment memory pills. The label reads: Ginko Thinko cause your memory stinkos. Dosage is based on what particular senior moment you're having ranging from forgetting a family member's name (2 pills) to driving with your blinker on (5 pills). Looks like the blinker thing is more serious than I thought. Although the term "senior moment" may be a more graphic explanation of this condition that afflicts us all at some point in time, my personal favorite is "brain vacumn". This at least gives you a small edge on the age thing and just indicates a momentary lapse in your cerebral functioning.
I have had to make some concessions to age like wearing glasses to read. This wouldn't be so bad except when I'm using the computer, I have one pair of glasses that I wear, and when I read I have a totally different pair. Most of the time this doesn't create a problem, unless I'm doing something on the computer that also requires reading an instruction book or some other annoying page with ridiculoussly small print. Anyone who's ever juggled 2 pairs of glasses to accomplish one task knows just how frustrating it can be. And it never seems to fail that you forget which glasses you have on and wind up not being able to see much of anything at all, which can be the best solution to the whole ordeal.
In my continuous quest to stay abreast of all the latest age delaying techniques, I recently ran across something known as "Frownies". These are small patches that one applies to the offending wrinkled area, such as the forehead or the corners of the mouth, that supposedly retrain the facial muscles to assume a more youthful relaxed appearance. Now, just picture how these things are supposed to work. First you cleanse the skin, then massage the area to help circulation. Then you moisten the patch with water or their special rose hydrating spray, and using 2 fingers, you spread the offending wrinkle and stick the patch on. The patch stays in place for at least 3 to 4 hours, preferably overnight, and this sequence is repeated nightly for 30 days. We've all seen the comedies with the wife going to bed with a head full of rollers and a face full of moisturizing cream. Just imagine the reaction your spouse would have to patches stuck on various parts of your face every night for a month! And how in the heck would you kiss your husband goodnight if your mouth can't pucker? I just may have to try these Frownies, in the scientific exploration of aging of course, but I can't help but wonder if maybe duct tape would accomplish the same result.